How to Write…(Porn): Chapter 1

Here’s the promised first chapter of How to Write (Porn) or as I call it, H2WP. This first chapter is all about scaring you silly, however you should read it and the following couple of chapters even if you don’t intend to publish anything.

Trust me, it’s definitely for your own good.


Before you publish your first story professionally, there’s a lot of work you have to put in. I’m not even talking about writing your magnum opus manuscript. I’m writing of the things that you need to do to prepare for that.

Let me start by asking you some very important questions that you may not have thought of.

Let’s say you’re thinking of publishing erotic stories and getting paid for them. You know, like a professional. Have you discussed this with your spouse or “significant other?” Are they behind you? Are you thinking of doing this without telling them? How about your parents, siblings, children? How would they feel about you making money by writing stories meant to appeal to the libidos of strangers? Are you prepared to have your aunt Tilly search for you online just to have your gay bondage/humiliation stories pop up in her browser?

Are you prepared for the costs of publishing? Do you have the money to have the book edited, or for the cover designer? If your book fails, can you cover those costs, or are you depending on your book’s success to pay for them?
Are you ready to work for years, publishing book after book before you start to see any results? Or is that a thought too depressing to consider?

What if you succeed? Are you prepared for that? Are you really ready for wild, lottery-like success? That can be more of a personal disaster for some people than failure.

By disaster, I’m not talking about the usual things you think about. But are you prepared for writing to become your full-time job? Are you prepared for the pressure of readers to produce your next book right this second dammit!, even though it took you a year to write the last one that you just published a week ago?

Are you ready for the criticism? You know that there are people that think William Shakespeare was a hack, even today? People are going to take your book, and you, apart for all kinds of reasons, including just because they can.

However, success has other problems for authors. For erotic story authors, you have your fans. Are you prepared for the email from the fan who was inspired to leave their spouse and kids based on one of your stories? That very thing happened to me, and I wasn’t psychologically prepared for it.

Have you ever considered running for public office? Do you think that retirees, or as we call them, “voters,” are going to vote for someone that has “Porn-writer” filling-in the “Occupation” space? Are you currently, or do you plan to be, any kind of professional who relies on their public persona? Dentist? Doctor? Real Estate Agent? News Anchor? Erotic writing is an occupation that can adversely affect your reputation.

How about something all celebrities face: Successful people are targets. You might be thinking about everyone that’s going to be looking for a handout, not realizing that celebrity authors seldom have much to hand out. That happens.

But how about those who aren’t asking for a handout, they’re demanding one? Are you ready to get an envelope without a return address in the mail containing pictures of your kids on a playground, or your spouse out shopping, a large number, a Bitcoin wallet address, and a due date? That kind of thing happens to authors, app writers, and other professional or amateur celebrities. How would you handle that?

One of the most frightening moments for me in my entire life was when my child received a birthday gift in the mail addressed to them by name, from someone none of us knew. Think about that for a moment.

Have I finally scared you? Good. You need to think of these things. Early preparation is the best way to avoid, or at least deal with, problems.
I’ll cover some ways to prepare against the worst of these over the next couple of chapters.


I should mention that professional celebrities are people that are famous for being famous. If everyone knows who they are, but few know why, then they are probably a professional celebrity. Yeah, I mean them.

That’s the entirety of Chapter 1 of H2WP. I may publish the first part of Chapter 2, where I start to tell you how to take action to protect yourself next week, or sometime soon after. Once I’m done with Chapter 2, it may take some time before chapter 3 is even written. Get ready to ask me questions so you can help shape this book!

And wish us all luck!

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